Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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