Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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