I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
