Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
