I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
