My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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