I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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