Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
