i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
