Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
