just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
