Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
