There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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