The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
