and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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