is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
