Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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