and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Randomize
