Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
