kristin has been a bad kristin
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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