why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
