I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Im part way to drunk.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
