flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
