That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
