If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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