Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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