first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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