it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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