the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
