Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
