why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
