Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
