She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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