I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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