I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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