why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
