More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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