They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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