Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
