I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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