I wish I only lived at night.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
