Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
