Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she smelled like a LAN party
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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