Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
