In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
