we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Barsexuality is the new black.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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