In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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