i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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