Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
