I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
