Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
