i can't believe i had my finger in that
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
